What is the most vital aspect of any relationship? Some might say respect, trust, equality… These are all important but today we’re focussing on how to better communicate. With one particular tool, we’re diving into the ego states and why without understanding the model below, it will be very difficult to understand your partner, parent, colleague and even yourself. Read more to find out how to improve your relationships through communicating better, today.
Transactional Analysis (TA) – A powerful framework pioneered by psychiatrist Eric Berne. It explains human interaction and how to navigate relationships with precision and purpose. We have a full podcast episode on how this shows up in your life, here.
Understanding the nuances of communication is paramount in any good relationship. TA offers a lens through which you can decipher the underlying drivers of your interactions. By delving into the three ego states – Parent, Adult, and Child – you can gain profound insights into your behavioural patterns and those of others. This self-awareness forms the cornerstone of effective leadership, collaboration, and relationship-building. By understanding these three states, it will help you both in and out of work.
If you’re operating from the Parent ego state, you draw behaviours and values instilled during your formative years. You react and think in a way your parent may have when you were younger. This can mean you become judgmental, criticise, and advise. Usually, these traits come from a good place due to wanting to nurture and care for another but it doesn’t translate this way in the moment.
The Adult ego state embodies rationality, objectivity, and critical thinking – it is the most objective of the three states – to communicate better, this is the state we should always aim for. By anchoring interactions in the Adult ego state, you remove emotional biases and engage in meaningful dialogue based on logic and reason. This takes a lot of practice but is necessary for growth. If you aim to communicate through Adult state as much as you can, you will notice your communication is more effective, concise, and driven by less emotion.
The Child ego state is defensive and often short-tempered, feeling attacked and misunderstood. In Child state, it’s difficult to understand the logic and intention of the other person you’re communicating with. Often if you are spoken to by someone in the Parent state, you react in the Child state.
Learning how to communicate better helps us when it comes to relationship-building, getting our point across without attacking or criticising, and also understanding others better as we know their communication style. In turn, you not only elevate your own success but also cultivate a standard for others to follow. It’s easy to fall into any of these three as it’s what we’re used to. However, now you’re aware of these, make note of when they show up in your life and with those whom you spend the most time with (you won’t be able to avoid it!) and remember, always aim for an Adult state.
Team A-Game
