A Guide to Authenticity
People-pleasing, the art of constantly seeking approval and validation from others, can be a relentless and exhausting habit. While it might seem harmless at first, the truth is that excessive people-pleasing can take a toll on your mental health, self-esteem, and overall well-being (and that’s only the beginning). If you’re ready to break free from the people-pleasing trap and embrace a more authentic and fulfilling life, this blog is for you.
Recognise the Signs of People-Pleasing
The first step in overcoming people-pleasing is recognising the signs. Do you often say “yes” when you want to say “no”? Do you find yourself constantly seeking validation and approval from others? Are you afraid of confrontation and conflict? If you answered yes to any of these questions, it’s likely that you’re caught in the people-pleasing cycle.
Understand the Root Causes
People-pleasing often stems from a deep-seated fear of rejection or criticism. It may have developed in childhood as a coping mechanism to gain love and acceptance from caregivers or peers. Understanding the root causes of your people-pleasing tendencies is crucial to breaking free from them. Coaching or counselling can be a valuable resource for exploring and addressing these underlying issues.
Practice Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is key to overcoming people-pleasing. Start by paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours in social situations. Notice when you’re making choices based on what you think others want rather than what you truly desire. Journaling can be a helpful tool for gaining insights into your patterns of people-pleasing.
Learn to Say No
Learning to say “no” is one of the most powerful tools in your journey to overcome people-pleasing. Understand that it’s okay to decline requests or invitations when they don’t align with your values, priorities, or energy levels. Practice asserting your boundaries kindly but firmly. It’s easy to make excuses or justify your thoughts and reasoning behind why you’re not up for doing something but ‘because I’m not feeling up to it’ or ‘because I don’t want to’ is more than enough.
Set Boundaries
Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries is essential for ending the cycle of people-pleasing. Boundaries define what is acceptable and unacceptable in your relationships. Communicate your boundaries clearly and consistently, and be prepared for pushback from those who are used to you always saying yes. Remember, your well-being is a top priority.
Boost Your Self-Esteem
People-pleasers often struggle with low self-esteem. To overcome this, focus on building your self-confidence and self-worth. Challenge negative self-talk and replace it with affirmations that remind you of your value and worthiness. Surround yourself with supportive and positive people who uplift and encourage you.
Embrace Imperfection
Accept that you are not perfect, and that’s perfectly okay. People-pleasers often strive for unattainable perfection in an effort to gain approval. Embrace your flaws and imperfections as part of what makes you uniquely you. Remember, authenticity is more attractive than perfection. And, you’ll sleep much better at night when you stop analysing your full day whilst trying to switch off.
Seek Support
Breaking free from people-pleasing can be challenging, and you don’t have to do it alone. Seek support from friends, family, or a coach who can provide guidance, encouragement, and accountability. Sharing your struggles with others can be incredibly liberating. You can enquire about coaching with our team here.
Conclusion
Overcoming people-pleasing is a journey towards self-discovery and authenticity. It’s about reclaiming your power and living life on your terms. Remember that change takes time, and setbacks are a natural part of the process. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you work to break free from the people-pleasing trap. In the end, the reward is a more authentic, fulfilling, and empowered life.
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